For many, self-isolation means being left alone with your disorders.

Finding motivation for and striking a balance between work, school and being healthy was already a difficult task for me. The onset of a quarantine didn’t make things any easier. 

For me, self-quarantine meant an intense flare up of my anxiety and depression.

For the few months preceding the shutdown of schools and businesses, I felt I was really getting a handle on my mental state. I was showing up for classes or work, routinely visiting the gym and eating healthy. But the shutdown led to a downward spiral, taking me back to square one. 

Adjusting is hard. Even during the hard times, school or work gave me a reason to try and force myself up and out. That gave a sense of normalcy. During the shut down, bad habits returned, days would blur into weeks and reasons to wake up seemed to dwindle. 

I’m not proud of these words and I’m not trying to excuse my behavior during the quarantine, but I hope writing this makes the next person feel a little less alone in their isolation. 

It’s so important, now more than ever, to push ourselves towards living the healthiest version of our lives. I know I’m trying, and our best is all we can give. We’re all experiencing this wave together and it’s sometimes hard to remember you’re not the only one caught in the riptide.